Is Dating More Difficult Once You Turn 30?

I have 2 weeks of evidence, and so far, yes

Photo by Lorna Ladril on Unsplash

I’ve been asking myself this question so much recently. Is it me? Am I the problem?

And I feel like I’m just repeating every cliched film version of a 30 something (I can say that now, I turned 30 two weeks ago) woman’s greatest insecurities and fears.

Which makes me disappointed in myself. Because I’ve fought the societal standards and pressures put on me. Sure, I nearly went down the path of house, marriage, kids, once. But I dug my heels in. And I made the best possible decision in my instance — career over a broken relationship.

But since then, 4 years ago, I’ve had a string of unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships. And a series of casual partners where one or both of us weren’t interested in more. And I’ve come to ask myself…

Were the films right?

Am I going to live in a limbo of forever friend-zoned or terminally too-high expectations until inevitably, some Prince Charming character will sweep me off my feet?

I’ve read a tonne of meet-cutes, let alone every single one I’ve watched in romance movies. Yes, I want that. That’s why they’re a thing, right? They’re fucking adorable. And the stuff you tell your grandchildren about (if you want kids, which I don’t).

But I don’t want to be swept off my feet

I was at the Adelaide Art Gallery the other day, and in one of the exhibitions, there were quotes printed on the walls. One of them hit me like a train, and I’ve thought about it so much since.

I dream a lot about you. Even if my dreams are full of horror, they are beautiful, because you are in them.

- Voitre Marek in his voyage notebook, 1948

This quote struck me so hard with two powerful meanings.

The first meaning felt ethereal and symbolic

That combination of experiencing pain and horror in life, but wanting someone to share it with you. To both be malformed into ugly creatures as you grow older and you experience what it’s like when life happens.

But you both know that the ugliness is just part in parcel with a unique kind of beauty that comes from being broken over time, and reforming.

And you accept each other and love each other's horrors. Because you know they are tied up with each other’s beauty.

And the second was a bit more literal

I want someone to be there in my nightmares to help me fight away the horrors. No, that was not a metaphor. I mean yes, I want someone for the metaphorical version of that too. Someone to fight the nightmare days, the real life horrors.

But I want that person who is in my literal nightmare with me when I am dreaming, and dream-us are a team.

And then I wake up, and real-life-us are a team.

And I roll over, and bury my head into their shoulder, and tell them how much I love them.

And then I tell them all about my beautiful dreams, and the horrors dissipate into the morning light. And we’re still a team.

So is dating more difficult once you turn 30?

Well obviously I don’t have an answer to the question, come on, I turned 30 only 2 weeks ago.

I’ll let you know once I find out.